Shred You Go – 01.05.2020

My half hearted attempts at exercise – were just that, half-hearted.  I’ve never been an exercise person, and for all my attempts at sticking with it, it was never gonna happen. Although according to MapMyRide I’ve cycled 258kms in April alone. In total, I have now cycled farther than the total distance we are due to be cycling on the holiday.

Anyway, I happen to mention on a work call to my team colleagues what I was trying to do to make up for the lack of walking and pottering around the city, because of being stuck at home.  One of them suggested that we could do some exercises together using Zoom.  She has a stack of fitness dvds languishing on a shelf and said we could try to follow some.  One specifically is a 25 minute HIIT session called 30 Day Shred. 

We decided as a team – the 4 of us – to take up the challenge, starting from Monday 4th of May for 30 days.  I want to keep up with some form of exercises / movement so I don’t gain weight being stuck at home and so close to the fridge.  Particularly as I’ve been very naughty with my cycle training and not doing the 3 weekly sessions I promised myself.  As a way to add structure to our days decision was made to do the sessions at 5pm – that would effectively mark the end of our working day. 

I don’t know what I’m signing myself up to.  Let’s see how long this fad last.

Oh, and in another breath I’ve also decided to take up learning Chinese Mandarin using that Duolingo app.  Well, I have to do something with my time stuck in the four walls.  Everything outside is still closed, nowhere to go and socialise.

State of Mind – 26.04.2020

“Yes, I understand your state of mind at that time… but you’ll drive yourself mad like that, upon my word! You’ll lose your head!” Crime And Punishment, F. Dostoyevski

No cycling today – but that’s ok – I used a bike yesterday to get around town, and run all the chores I had to, for me and my mum

I’m sitting here, on a sofa – at 10:40pm – which is way early for my bed-time hence not contemplating going to sleep. My head is in my hands, and I don’t know what to do with myself.

That’s not a new phenomenon – for someone like me, suffering from bouts of depression – that feeling of restlessness, hopelessness and not knowing what to do isn’t unusual.  However, at the moment those feelings are not driven by my usual mental state (or maybe they are), but by the current situation in the world. There’s only so much of sitting at home, not being around people I can do – and I think I’m starting to reach my limit – and this despite the fact that I do get to get out and exercise (Cycle), and pop-out to shops for food. 

But I have so much time on my hands now – with work having slowed down, not spending hours a week commuting, not spending weekends out with friends, travelling or out and about taking pics, visiting museums, etc – that I don’t know what to do with it anymore.  And this despite the fact that I have a long list of hobbies, which I utilise to the max to fill my time. 

Yes, there is the Netflix binge-watch marathon of whatever box-sets appeal, but there’s also practicing piano, watercolour and acrylic painting, glass painting, crochet of all sorts and kinds other needlecraft, usual house cleaning and small improvements, blogging (this), catching up with friends on Whatsapp, learning Chinese on Duolingo, tending to my little group of house-plants (I don’t know what I’d do without them now – I miss having a garden so much). 

And yet, I don’t know what to do with myself.  It’s a mental state.  This weird world we live in is getting to me. It’s all too strange, to weird, too wrong.

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