OK, so this entry is a bit of a throw-back to September. I realised the other day, that I posted one of my entries in the wrong order. Not that it matters. But here it goes, here’s what happened in September…..

I’m not body confident.  Not by a long shot. I’m not sure I ever have been, even in my slightly younger days.  Perhaps there was a moment a long while ago, just before life’s reality started to settle in and then my head exploded.  Last few years I’ve spent hiding myself – not necessarily in baggy tee-shirts, but inside my head.  I’d walk down the street, meet my friends, and no matter how much they’d tell me I looked good – it just wouldn’t register.

So to suddenly find myself feeling good about how I look, even though my body is not perfect – at least not by the skinny-arse, cover of Beauty magazine standards – well, it’s a little bit of a revelation.  If I look at myself from a ‘spiritual, believe in God’ type perspective – then one should say, everybody is perfect in their own way.  Look at it from a medical angle – then the answer would be not quite – 1) – I’m fat (though no longer morbidly obese), 2) – my head is royally screwed up, and not just because of the depression; there’s a whole manner of things going through my head that’s jut not right; and 3) no beauty magazine would ever put the like of me on their cover and say I’m beautiful and perfect – but to be honest, that lot can go and take a running jump.  What do they know with their’ subjective one directional & often condescending view of the world, botox levels that make them look worse than Alien, and less personality than a 1p coin.  Right, enough scathing of the beauty industry.

Where was I?  Oh yes, I find myself feeling good about how I look.  I find myself having body confidence levels I’ve never imagined I would have.  It’s a very novel feel, I have to admit.  There’s no denying part of the way I feel and think about myself now has to do with age – supposedly you get to a point where you just don’t give a shit about what others think about you.  I’m not there yet.  I may have a few years on me, but I’m not that old, thank you very much.    It is true, however, that a big part of how I feel is down to the exercise –  not only because I’ve lost weight and inches, but somehow walking down the street now, wearing tight leggings and shirts barely long enough to cover my bum I feel a little bit smug, knowing that I now belong to the Exercise Brigade (even though I still hate it). 

So, there was something rather empowering and satisfying, exercising in my semi-skimpy gym outfit, in a middle of the garden of the holiday cottage my friends and I hired in September.

We’re not allowed to go abroad, everything is shut, so we opted for a staycation in Norfolk.

And whilst I will forever hate exercise – but love the side effects of it – it was quite fun, strutting my stuff in the garden, particularly knowing that next door there was a whole bunch of fit young guys entertaining themselves in the back garden.  Vanity thy name is me…..

Well, every girl needs confidence boost every now and then. No?

I suppose after so many years hating the look of myself in the mirror, to suddenly turn around and see that massive spare tyre around my waist has shrunk has been quite an achievement and positive spin on my head. 

So whilst I can and I feel like it, I am going to make the most if it, and strutt my stuff. As far as I’m concerned, right now I look hot in skin tight leggings, and nobody is going to tell me otherwise.

Tssssssss

By the way, if you’re interested in a Norfolk holiday cottage rental – OMG I cannot recommend this firm  enough.  https://www.barefootretreats.co.uk/  We had an absolutely amazing holiday rental, right in the middle of Well-next-the-sea, that quite frankly I’d love to move to.