It was going to be “I can get no satisfaction”, by Rolling Stones… but hey, can’t make every title fit.

It’s the end of January (at least it was, when I started to write this) and I’ve only done 2.5 HIIT sessions.

Ok, so I was away 1 week in January, which did involve lots of food, but also lots of walking, so it wasn’t so bad.

Now it’s the last week of January, and my 2nd week of holiday (I say holiday loosely, it’s the same 4 walls I’ve seen for the past 10 months) so I suppose I have an excuse.

But seriously come Feb, if I want to continue to get healthy, stealthy and fit……loose a few more pounds and tone up a bit more, I’m going to have to get back to HIITing it 3 times a week as promised.

It’s just so haaaaaaaard to find motivation.

My HIIT companions have dropped out and are showing no signs of re-joining.  I’m not an exercise bunny and have always feared that without the support I’d drop out myself very quickly.

That said yesterday I did do the 0.5 HIIT session.  It involved mostly weights/dumb-bells.  As part of the aim of the HIIT sessions is to tone up the muscles left flabby after all that weight-loss, I figure, even that’s got to be better than nothing.

I need a kick-up the proverbial though – or I’ll stay where I am weight-wise and I do want to get to that next little goal. It’s only 2kgs away – but it won’t happen by itself. 

Maybe I should go for a walk.  It’s cold though…. And grey….. And cold………humph……..

What’s the point, I hate walking – or rather I hate walking now.  I used to love walking home after work, or just getting out on a weekend and pottering around the city…..what’s the point now.  There’s nothing there…………..just empty…………………I mean there’s no meaning to life at the best of times……….right now……….I hate this f*@#*~g thing, it’s what it is right now. Suck on that fate!!!!!!!!!!

Footnote: started writing this little diary entry – felt ok. By the time I got to the last paragraph – felt like shit.  That’s what depression does to me and that’s what the current state of the world is doing to me, to my brain.  Twists my head in a blink of an eye. Right now, I don’t know how I feel.  No, that’s not true. I do. Everything sucks, everything – the world, the whole thing, just the whole, whole effing thing.   Can I hit something or scream, or something, I don’t know, anything…………………..anything…………..!!!!!!!!