April 11, 2022

Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. Generally I try not to impose my taste in music and love for a certain…..shall remain nameless group…… but sometimes I just can’t help myself. And it was apt, considering the topic of today’s rant. But it is a good song…. ok, ok, moving on.

Wow.  I am reaching some serious levels of desperation here. 

Today – I’ve almost finally run out of chocolate and biscuits in the house (and yes this post is a little out of kilter with I WANT – I wrote this one some days ago, and it wasn’t scheduled for publishing, whilst in a meantime I had a chocolate breakdown LOL.

 Right – what’s left in the house, is a packet of digestives I use for cooking – and I would have to be desperate even more than I am right now, to open those, and a bar of cooking chocolate.  Likewise, I’m unlikely to reach for that quickly – though I know from experience, I have done so in the past. 

Anyway, with the last piece of the Easter egg now eaten, and having not had my usual dosage of chocolate & sweet stuff today – I am really reaching now.  It’s nearly 11pm, and trying to work through the feeling of hunger – which is frankly not possible, because I had a massive dinner – I’m trying to work through something else.  The desire to eat – for no reason, other than I’ve not had my chocolate fix. 

I think I’ve mentioned this in a post a little while ago or so, I’ve realised recently that some of my addiction to sugar is perhaps not so much the sugar itself, as the habit of it. 

In my desperation – I’ve reached for crackers and Butter!!!! I mean it’s not sweet, but for heaven’s sake it’s no less unhealthy – not in the quantities I’m able to consume it. 

It’s funny, these days normally I don’t actually eat a lot of butter, or use it in cooking. In fact with the purchase of some clever Tefal Ingenio pots and pans (not plugging, but I do love that set), I barely even use oil in cooking, the pans are so fab at non-stick.  But take away chocolate, and I’ve close enough but spread a half a block of butter on a single little cracker! 

It just proves to show though, doesn’t it – my addiction may not be so much to sugar itself, but to food – rich foods especially, and the habit of over-eating, or just eating….

Well, I’m not giving up sugar for good.  It is an experiment – one day at a time type of activity.  Tomorrow will be the first day, truly without chocolate – unless I raid the cooking cabinet.  Can I get through one day without chocolate, or regressing to sugar in my tea, or worse, just popping out to local garage for a sweet fix.    

I’ve got plenty of other snacks at home – low calorie crisps, that have been part of my new food regime since 2020, nuts, some dried fruit, fresh fruit, canned veg.  I’m sure there are plenty of things in the kitchen and pantry I can munch on – will they satisfy my psychology though?  Or more importantly, will they fill the void created by the sweet stuff. 

Ooh, I could absolutely murder a Cadbury’s Dairy Milk right now, or a Galaxy, or a Bounty, Snickers, Mars bar, ok, just a little Kit Kat……….. Jaffa cake?????????   Actually at this point in time, I could probably settle for some coco powder. Biggest problem is, I’ve also run out of butter……….

I think I’m screwed………..