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16th April 2022

I haven’t moved off the sofa the entire day.  Okay, slight exaggeration – but close enough.   

Today has been one of those ‘I want to crawl under a rock, and hide’ days.   

Sometimes I wonder how much more of life I can take before I snap completely.  Feeling bit better now. 

At least yesterday I went out for a day and got my 10k steps in.  I’ve been lacking on the exercise front last week or so; and annoyingly last few days I can’t use the weather as an excuse, because it’s been perfect for going out for a run.  It’s just me being lazy – well lazy, and despondent again.  I don’t feel like doing anything, let alone exercise when I’m in such a state. I have to physically force myself to do stuff.  

I have been good with food though – I haven’t yet bought any chocolate.  I did eat some – but only because at work someone gave me a tiny chocolate egg – and I do mean tiny, or rather I made sure to pick the smallest egg from the basket, seeing as I’m supposed to give up sugar.  Yesterday though – I had a scone and some ice-cream, so failed on the no sugar front.  At home, I’m finally out of biscuits – it’s now just the secret stash and the cooking stash.  And it’s taking all the strength I can muster, not to reach for those.    

I have cheated a little bit – as I’ve been drinking Hot Chocolate – and we all know that there’s sugar in that.  But I’m down to the last few spoonfuls – so soon I’ll be out of that too.  Though I’m eyeing up some online shopping from Whittards or Hotel Chocolat.    

In a meantime, I have resorted to eating jam out of a jar with a spoon!  I mean, that’s desperation, no? LOL 

The reduced sugar intake, despite a few slips – combined with some strict(ish) food discipline over the last few days, not even a week, just few days – is already yielding results.  My dinners have definitely become strict.   

I will say this with huge amount of caution – this is my regime, and what works for me, but even with that, if you’ve been reading this journal for a while, you know I struggle with aspects of this discipline – so please, please, please don’t use this as template for your own diets or health regimes.  I have to keep myself in check to ensure I don’t take my food regimes too far in either direction. So….. 

As for me – getting back to my strict dinner discipline – well, the last few days, my dinners have been fruit only.  Massive punnet of strawberries, some blueberries, a peach.  Or a version on the theme of.  My breakfasts – usually flat-bread and a some Polish Kielbaski with massive amounts of Polish mustard.  And I do mean massive.  For someone who is not too fond of spice and heat – something about this particular mustard variety, I can eat it with a spoon.  Though I usually spread it thick over a nice fresh slice of bread, covered with too much butter.  Then lunch – anything goes, and I mean anything, though I try to keep the portions reasonable. But the dinners, I’ve been uber strict on those last few days.  As a result, my scales and I are having far less arguments.   

The aim is to reach my weight goal – the one I set myself in 2020, by end of May, before my next weekend break.  Now the goal I have in mind, required me to shift 3.6kgs.  This will take me down to the magic number of 79.9kgs, just under 80.  It’s that one little number.  Theoretically dropping 4kgs / 8lb in 8 weeks or thereabouts is completely doable.  It’s 2kgs a month – it doesn’t feel drastic, I mean it’s 1lb a week.  It should also mean that once I lose it, I should be able to keep it off, without worrying too much about what I eat.  Basically maintain my new weight.  And partly because of that, my attitude has been – for lunch, anything goes.  The danger of a really strict food regime, is that once you relax a bit – that weight piles right back on.  You then end up in a yo-yo effect, and that’s not healthy.  It was my ‘relaxed’ approach towards the regime over the first 10+ months when I started this journey, which allowed me not only to lose the initial 12kgs, but to keep it off for 18 months now.  

Do you know what, I feel even better now, than when I started making this note today.  Good.  Head back in safe space 🙂  Now where is that jar of jam and a spoon.