I am so broken.  I am so broken I don’t even realise how much or how badly.

The fact that I know it though – I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing.  Considering referral to see a shrink – fine a psychiatrist, for all the good they may do. There have been too many incidents recently, and I don’t think I’m in control any more, at least not completely.

And you, you, YOU of all people!!! Why would you do that to yourself?!  What were you thinking?!  Why would open yourself up to the barrage of comments, criticisms, begging and god knows what else?!  That was not smart.  And you’re not helping, either.  Not helping at all.  It’s that message today partly that sent me spiralling out of control.  Again. You make me both so happy, yet so unhappy at the same time – do you know how frustrating that is.  How much that drives me crazy, because there is nothing I can do about it!!! What was it for?! What is the use?!  That was cruel.  That is cruel, and unnecessary and you cannot tell me that you didn’t know what you were doing!  You know exactly what you were doing – and I know it’s not because you don’t care, but because you’re too naïve too realise the consequences.  Please, please don’t do that again. Ever.