I’ve been resisting buying new clothes.
The other day however, I’ve put on a pair of chinos that I bought in M&S last summer (2019), and they were so baggy on me, that I no longer feel good in what I’m wearing. I’ve try to stave off buying new clothes with a view of what’s the point, since I aim to lose a few more pounds – and therefore potentially few more centimetres of my waist, and if I buy some now, I’ll have to buy more again later. Plus with this whole effing pandemic, there’s no need for smart clothes – I’ve not worn my suits, dresses and pretty skirts in nigh on a year.
The discomfort of looking in a mirror and seeing how everything is sagging and draping around me, as if though it’s been handed down from a cousin three times my size just got too much. So the other day I did what a lot of people do at the moment – click and collect, or click and deliver. Online shopping has never been my forte, I much prefer to see things in person and try them on before buying, alas the world we live in does not allow for that at the moment.
I spotted a pair of jeggings on the Next website, and it being Next I bought a pair in size 16 – thinking that their sizes can be a bit tight on me. Size 16 whilst being my normal (when I was fat) size, they would now fit, whereas previously they’d have been too small. (hmm, does make me think, maybe I was never size 16 in the first place).
Anyway, said parcel arrived and it turns out – they’re actually too big. So – click and return was enacted, followed up by another click & deliver, this time in size 14 – x3. I say x3, because I ended up buying the same style jeggings from next just in 3 different colours. It may seem excessive to some – but the trousers are so nice, with a nice pair of shoes and top, these can be dressed up for work – should I ever see the inside of an office again. Similarly with casual pumps and t-shirt, these do make an fun, every-day outfit.
It wasn’t until I saw myself in the mirror in the new, figure hugging clothes that I’ve truly appreciated how much weight and body mass I’ve lost over the last 9 months. I know I’ve mentioned this before – about losing the spare tyre round my waist – but when you continue to wear the same clothes, you can’t truly appreciate the effects. The net result of this weight loss has been two fold – one, I can’t stop looking at myself in the mirror every time I pass it, so much I’m still in awe of my new bod; two, one of the pair of jeggings I bought are light pink in colour. Now I would never have considered light coloured trousers before – what with the misconception that dark colours slim you down. They don’t – if you fat…… you fat…..no two ways about it.
Once again, it is a confidence thing. It’s amazing – or I find it amazing – now that I’m in a happy spot, how much confidence you can gain from losing a few pounds. This has highlighted to me, however, how much my weight has played into my depression in the past – and the comfort eating that was fuelling the perpetual cycle of gaining weight, feeling shit about being fat, eating more, gaining more weight. Now, my depressions isn’t totally linked to my weight – in fact what triggered it was a family event, but when you’re in the spiral, whatever triggered it, becomes just one of the elements that continues to feed it. For me weight was another – weight, and the effects my size had on other aspects of my life: my relationships, my work, even my hobbies.
Moral of the story – I’m not sure there is one, or at least not one for others. I cannot impart moral of this story on others, as I don’t want it to negatively influence some who struggle with weight or eating disorders. For me – the moral of the story has been simple – losing a few pounds has significantly altered my life, the way I look and feel about myself and I should have done this sooner. But if you are reading this – and thinking – oooh I need to do that and lose lots of pounds, please be careful. I’ve lost a few pounds, but I was very much overweight. I’m constantly mindful of not taking my exercise and food – dare I say it – food control, to extreme. I don’t want to go from one of the scale, of an overeating eating disorder, to the other, where I’m under-eating. There is a healthy weight for everyone – and it’s not the one we set ourselves – it is the one that doctors, real doctors advise us of. So please read this with caution. If you’re looking to shed few pounds – great, just don’t shed too many.
Rights, that’s my pearls of wisdom shared. I’m off to the kitchen – there’s a slice January cake waiting for me on the table with a dollop of cream. And if you’re wondering what a January cake is – basically a Christmas cake, only half in size with hell of a lot more booze in it 🙂 Well, it is Saturday morning.
Hate To Exercise 